It is hard to believe it’s been 7 weeks since my last chemo and I am starting to feel more like myself and getting back more energy. I am still waiting for my hair to start growing since I lost half of it but that is the least of my worries.
I spent this past month of October focusing on all I have to be truly thankful for in my life.
Even in what has been a very hard year to say the least, I still try to focus on all the blessings in my life. Randy and I spent two weeks in Hawaii at our favourite spot, Ko Olina, the last few weeks of October. We had to cancel our trip in May, but we were able to change it to October, which was wonderful. There is something so healing about the ocean and the waves (and Randy's mai tais). I was thinking about the fact that every year as I have battled each cancer, the light at the end of every one of those tunnels was being able to go to Hawaii to heal and rest. What an incredible blessing. While I was there, I read a few books and one that I loved was called Live Love Lead by Brian Houston of Hillsong. It challenged me on many levels and came at an important time in my life. There are many decisions I need to make and this book helped me and motivated me to continue to follow my dreams and the desires of my heart. It showed me that it is not to late even at my age and the best is yet to come! He talked about Living Fully, Loving Completely and Leading Boldly. This applies not only in our faith walk, but also in our personal and professional lives.
I am finding myself at a crossroads with many decisions to make and I feel like I am starting a new chapter in my life, which can be both exciting and a bit scary. With what I have gone through I have learnt a multitude of things, too many to mention, but one thing I have learnt is not only is life short and you need to make the most of it, but also that you need to weed out the toxic things in your life and do the things that you love. I don't want to waste time on things that don't matter. While I am still here on this earth I want to do what I can take make some sort of difference and take time for others and help people that are going through their own cancer journey. I have met so many wonderful people battling this horrible disease, and with each one I have a special connection that cancer patients share.
While these past seven months I have been off work, recovering from surgery and going through chemo, I have been helping Victoria with her graphic design company & stationery shop. Even though my contribution is small, it has been such a blessing for me to be able to focus on something other than my health and see my daughter's company grow and succeed. I have great passion to see what is in store for Victoria and I want to do all I can to help her do this. This is why I have made a difficult decision to leave my job and continue to work with Victoria and help grow her business. I find myself conflicted on many levels as I loose a paying job and go to a volunteer position but I feel such a sense of peace and excitement as to a future of greater things and to do things I love. At times when I doubt the decision I want to make there are people that offer me words of encouragement to take that leap of faith and go for it! I am thankful for the many that have spoke into my life encouraging me in many ways, just when I pray for God to show me a sign I am making the right decision I might not get a thunder bolt that hits me but what I do get is others walking along side of me and believing in me and telling me to continue on my faith walk.
I have learnt these past five years that I have to trust God in everything and that most things are out of my control so I have to continue to look to him for his guidance and trust that he has great things in store for my days ahead which applies to my physical health, emotional well being and wherever he leads and guides me and whatever doors he opens for me. I have to surrender to him. This continues to be a "faith walk” for me and although I have excitement about where the future takes me I continue to fight off the fear of the unknown and the securities I am leaving. I have witnessed and received so many things the many times I have been off work. God will always provide our needs so I need to continue to trust and believe in that. What's the saying... nothing ventured... nothing gained!
So, I find myself at the same place I have many times these past five years, to put my trust in God that he has my life in his hands and knows what the future holds for me so I will take that leap of faith and trust him and see where it takes me.
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Once again thank you for your love, support and prayers