As we enjoy the final sunny days of summer, we look forward to fall and all the beauty that it brings with the changing of the leaves. Summer flew by for me but it was wonderful to go through this summer in good health and it was the first summer I wasn't recovering from a surgery or chemo so I embraced each and every day to the fullest.
September for me is one of great anxiety! I have had it in the back of my mind always and have not looked forward to it. September for me is the reminder that it is a year since my last chemo and today I head back to the hospital for a CT scan and then some other tests and next week I walk into the cancer clinic after a year to find out the results of my tests. I am praying that this time I will have some good news and that I will hear the words I am cancer free!
Life is so fragile! I continue to battle the negative thoughts and fears that those of us that have had cancer face daily. I know if it wasn't for my faith I wouldn't be able to handle all that I have been through and for the army of people that continue to hold me up in prayer is beyond humbling and overwhelming. I feel at times like I can't breathe and that I am just holding my breath until I get the results that could be life changing in many ways. It is heartbreaking to hear of the many people that I know that are going through there cancer battles as well. The other night I watched a show called Stand Up For Cancer and, needless to say, I cried through most of it as there are so many things being done for those of of us battling this horrible disease.
On days when I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering why me? Why 4 cancers in 5 years, why so many changes to my body? Why did I have to quit my job? and on and on, I look at others and wonder why are they so lucky to be breezing through life, but then I hear of someone else's struggles and I am reminded that there many people going through hard times, not just with cancer, but other illness and heart ache and many people suffering much greater than me and I think to myself, 'Well why not me!' Regardless of all the hard stuff I have gone through, I have also experienced so many blessings and have seen what my family has gone through and how each of us are stronger more compassionate to others. There is always good that comes from everything in this life if you continue to choose the glass half full approach. I truly have to count my blessings and all the wonderful things I have had in my life so far.
I have learnt many things on my journey and am thankful that I have learnt to embrace each day fully, take time for others, serve others, don't sweat the small stuff, take time to enjoy nature and all the beauty around me, invest in my relationships, laugh a lot.
There is so much more I want to do in this life and my bucket list is long but for now I just have to get through the days that are ahead of me and put my trust in the Lord for this is all out of my control and he knows my future and the number of days that I still have here.
My devotions this morning were just for me. It was on peace and even in the midst of the fear and anxiety, there is this peace that only comes from Him that is so unexplainable. I am always amazed at how God brings songs, scriptures, and people in my mind and my path that have words for me and support and encouragement.
I appreciate your love support and mostly your prayers. I hope I will be able to update you soon with some good news.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27